In awe and terribly scared

I went to “History and philosophy of science” seminar series presented by UG students. I arrived a little early, looked into the auditorium - empty except two individuals trying to set up the projector/presentation. Stepping out, on a whim, walked to explore a bit of CSA dept., went to first floor, a poster caught my eye on the notice board - of same event that I was going to attend. Went downstairs, to drink water before the starts. Two women chatting, went a bit silent at sight of me and then again started talking. Drank water and went to see the posters - made by the same UG students. Some professors were checking them out in the hot sunny afternoon. One prof. caught eye of other - “hey! long time”, he said. I went into the auditorium, decided to take a back seat as I usually do. Audience and presenters had gathered. One prof - seemed like one- was lamenting of the dire state of archives in India to one of the presenters - he later gave talk on Born coming to IISc and had he stayed, the impact on scientific advancement in India would be significant.  One presentation talked about- animal behaviour science - there was once an experiment to train pigeons to click buttons to launch missiles, once they see enemy in radar - seemed funny and interesting. One talk included many perspectives in quantum mechanics - I couldn’t understand much. There was this particular talk which was very interesting to me. She took the idea that art plays significant part in the discovery and not just logic, experiments and deductions. That structure of benzene came to the scientist in his dreams. Visualising the images that get conjured up by some intuition that nature bestows upon us, that helps us making more sense where simple logic seems to fail. She demonstrated the idea through an experiment that she conducted on herself - which itself was huge endeavour in my view. I try to gobble down ideas from everywhere but not actively indulge like that sort. She created art - paintings - demonstrating the evolution - its non linear structure ,  brain - filled with intricate neurones, cell -which felt alive with its mechanism and not just simple circle which one encounters usually. Some abstract paintings - on how she approached and experienced this study of science here at IISc. The talk was filled with confidence, charisma, spontaneity, and laughter. I was in awe, feeling blessed that I witnessed this. The UG students were so much filled with life and jest for searching. Interactions between the professor and them was delight to watch - he also gave them books to read. The professor ended with - the true definition of science - is to study of the beauty. Once I walked out the dept., I felt happy but suddenly a feeling of sadness accompanied with feeling of terrible dread came upon me and I became overwhelmed - my eyes were filled with sorrow as I walked back to my room.