In the search

It is my personal upheld belief that something much bigger and majestic encompasses us. Truth, beauty, love, consciousness, reality and God are just different aspects or perception of it. My senses and capacity of my mind can’t even begin to comprehend even a minuscule part of that. My mind is not rich enough. 

I have decided to bring myself out of this “pointlessness of everything - every action, viewpoints, work, thought and life in whole” viewpoint. I think at this point , I would do myself a bit justice if I can find courage in myself to get on this endless journey of getting even a glimpse of that majestic and mystical thing. Everything that I would do, would become a journey - final outcome of which will hardly matter. What would be of utmost importance, will be the intangible things that would help me on that bigger journey. Perhaps the outcome of that bigger journey would also not matter and maybe the outcome would be the big journey itself. I don’t know. But I want to search for that in every action - work, thought, food, art,- that comes along my way. Perhaps I will get a glimpse of something. Everyone, like myself maybe is on their journey which is completely different than mine, whether consciously or unconsciously. Each journey, each goal and each final outcome would be different. Upon realising this, I find it utmost stupid and indication of lack of little bit awareness, to compare our journey with others. The things that matters to me, that I am searching, might not even be on other’s minds. What’s the point of comparison then? My interests are different and so is “I”. Instead of thinking about other’s actions and their way of living, my interest should concern only my search. Perhaps that search will fill me up with something which might be as useful to others as it would be to me. Maybe that has been my folly to start with- keeping others first is my grave and foolish attempt to even bring a change to this whole machine. That feeling although true and innocent, was naive in every sense. I didn’t realise my place and position in that - which ultimately led to my downfall. Maybe it’s high time that I start seeing things from upside down perspective. 

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